What Is Successful Living?
“Achieving your goals in life” is a good definition of successful living. One of the easiest temptations to give into abroad is losing focus on your life goals. Similar to how many of us indulge a little on vacation, some people find that the rhythms they used to live by are hard to maintain overseas.
Maybe it’s difficult to find a gym nearby or a market that has the food you need to stay healthy. Some people fresh out of their parents house might find it hard to stop spending all their money partying every weekend. These kinds of detours can lead to wasted time and delaying the goals you really want to reach. So how do you avoid slacking off when you’re “on vacation” for an extended period of time abroad? Stick to the plan.
The Plan for Successful Living
First you need a plan to reach those goals. Assuming you already have a plan or had one back home, don’t give up on it. Here are some areas to consider.
FITNESS: if you’re a runner, keep being a runner. Don’t let yourself become undisciplined. Find a friend to run with. If you’re not a runner, make some kind of fitness plan that will keep you motivated. (See Atomic Habits by James Clear for ideas.)
HEALTH: If you don’t drink alcohol, don’t start. If you’re a vegetarian… okay that one you can give up on. In all seriousness, diet can be very difficult to maintain. Talk to other expats who know where to buy the imported stuff if you can’t find what you need in your local market.
FINANCES: If you don’t have a budget, get a budgeting app and start saving and investing now while you’re young.
SPIRITUAL LIFE: If you are in the habit of going to church, find a local church and start going as soon as you arrive in country. Not only can it be nourishing spiritually, but a church is a great place to make friends quickly.
RELATIONSHIPS: I’ll get to this later.
It might sound simplistic to just say “Stick to a plan.” “Of course you need a plan” one might say. But understanding that you need a plan is not the same as building the routines into your life to stick to one. Like learning grammar in a foreign language, the concept of the grammar is easily comprehended in theory, but it’s easier to understand the idea of the grammar than to actually use it in your next conversation. It takes time and effort to build habits and routines. So avoid regret, make a plan and a plan to stay on your plan.
Making New Friends
Relationships are essential for our happiness, and therefore making friendships and maintaining them is the next requirement for living successfully in the truest sense of the word “success”. Depending on your situation, living abroad can be a pretty lonely experience already. Staying connected via the internet can help, but it’s no substitute for in-person relationships.
Depending on why you moved overseas it might make sense to start with befriending expats as it’s easier to communicate and you’ll have much in common. But if you moved abroad for the adventure, you’re going to want to break out of the expat bubble eventually. Try to join a club or group that has no expats in it. This will force you to make relationships with people in the country where you live.
There are other perks that can come with making friends with natives of your new country. First, you will likely be able to practice your language skills with them. Second, if you ever return to that country some day you might be able to stay with your friend and not in an expensive and impersonal hotel. And most importantly, you might make a friend for life whom you would never have had the joy of knowing if you hadn’t ventured out of the English-speaking, expat world.
Cultural Clashes
You will find that some cultures are easier to make friendships in than others. It was my experience that deep friendships did not come easily. You might have to find new ways of making friends or understanding how relationships work in that country.
Some cultures are naturally more reserved and others more outgoing and warm. A kiss on the cheek in South America doesn’t necessarily mean much. In other cultures however, a kiss on the cheek is tantamount to betrothal. You have to understand what cues people give in relationships and how conversations work. Americans, for example, can sometimes dive right into a political conversation after talking with someone for thirty seconds, and they are generally uncomfortable with silence. Japanese people, on the other hand, tend to be less direct and can be completely comfortable with silent moments in a conversation.
Becoming sensitive to the cultural norms of your new country can really help you to develop friendships. This can be hard at first and can take time to understand, but I encourage you to try. It will make your relationships smoother and your time abroad so much more enjoyable.
Keeping Up with Old Friends
While there is no substitute for in-person friendships, don’t neglect your relationships back home. Schedule time to connect with those people in your life whose friendship you value most. Not only will it do wonders for your mental health, it will help when you return home to have maintained friendships and to have shared a bit of your experience with them while you were away.
Another great way to maintain relationships is to invite a friend or family member to come visit you. My brother came to visit me several times while I was overseas. These times were some of the best I had in Japan. One of the times, he talked some sense into me for some bad choices I had been making (losing focus on my life goals). Another time, we went on an adventure to a nearby island and had an amazing adventure. Invite people to come for a week or two and share this new country with someone you love.
Love in a Foreign Language
While it’s not absolutely vital for successful living, dating in another country can be life altering. As I’ve already suggested, relationships can be challenging in a different culture. They are challenging enough with someone of the same culture, but add in language barriers, different upbringings, contrasting assumptions about the world and you are going to have some tough times. That’s not to say it isn’t worth it or you shouldn’t try. I know many couples who have done just fine. But again, you have to consider even romance against the backdrop of your life goals.
What will it mean for your life goals if you decide you want to get married? Where will you live? How will you raise your children? Will you have children? Try to make these decisions before you even meet someone. If you know for sure that you want to go home in three months for example, you may want to avoid getting into a relationship. In my case, I did get married overseas, and I’m grateful to say we’re still happily married after 17 years and four children later. So it certainly can work out, but just don’t let life happen to you. Determine now what compromises you are willing to make and which ones you are not.
Living life in a foreign country will look different from your former life in many ways, but take steps to ensure that wherever you live you remain committed to your goals and to being the person you want to be. Successful living requires making a plan to keep up your good habits, and avoid starting bad ones—making new friends, and keeping in touch with the old ones. These things take effort, discipline, and consistency, but if you do them you’ll thank yourself later.